Whew! snorf!

the Earstwhile child came by and visited me on Tuesday, and told me a story that may only be funny to those who know the participants well. 
Then again, I am going to try to tell it as it deserves to be told with a few embelishments to maybe get this across.

The setting is Walmart. 

In the aisle that holds ( ahem) "feminine products"  In this aisle stand two males.  One of them is the Earstwhile Child at about age seventeen.  He is there with the other male The Footless Man.  They have in hand a note with a very specific brand and size of feminine product because someone (Namely me) was in the throes of something so awful that driving down for refills is Not To Be Thought Of.
In other words this is an emergency and from my end it is dire enough to sent a seventeen year old kid with his dad to get something he can't even think of pronouncing much less imagine his mother needing and using.
He is on this adventure because the footless man can't drive a stick shift, and at this time in his life can't drive because his eyesight won't let him.  Besides all that the Earstwhile Child has a certain amount of compassion greater than you usual teenage lump.  
He knows  that whatever is going on, Mom is in enough trouble that dinner is likely to be a hit or miss affair and is willing to help out enough to see if she will be able to get food on the table that night.  Any way he is there.

 Now His companion, The Footless Man looks a bit like a pirate, a bit like he lives on the street, and a lot like a real Badass.  His clothing has achieved a high degree of onionization with several layers of coat and sweater  topping a pair of jeans that is still together enough to be basicly decent , and worn enough to let the stainless steel  and carbon fiber show through in bits.  This gives his shins and knees a rather bionic feel to them.  On top of this, there is a stocking cap that has climbed up the back of his hair and perches on top like a cat trying to stay out of a puddle. He carries a cane more to poke things and pick things off the ground than to prop himself up.  He is peering very short sightedly at the wall of stuff.
So there they are scanning  the boxes of utterly forign stuff and looking from the specific note in hand to the variety of boxed things.  The one mom wants is not there.  This is before cell phones were common. They have to pick an alternative because going home without is not to be considered, Mom made that very clear.
Now they  have to pick an alternative box of this stuff and they don't know what the important criteria is. 
So the two of them are standing in the feminine product aisle talking about choosing a box of tampons to bring home to Mom and they don't know if it is size, brand  or some other quality of product that will make a substitute acceptable,..... and down the aisle comes a woman headed to pick up some supplies.

Which is why when I went into Walmart yesterday to buy Insulin and saw a guy standing in the tampon aisle with a lost look on his face I just about fell over laughing.