Dear Mom
It is mother's day, a day that is over hyped and emotional and commercialized out the wazoo.
I love you, you are my mom. Over the years you have given me life, love, careing, healing, education, support, and an unusual life with a lot of strengths.
I have given you a lot as well including a fair amount of hard time.
There is a lot that you have not seen eye to eye with me on. The biggest gift that you have given me was the ability to fall on my face all by myself and find my own solutions to the mistakes I made. In the end I hope that you have seen me find my strength and build a life that I can be proud of.
At present there isn't much that I can give you as a gift except for the hand knitted socks that you love and the work that helps you stay on an even keel and move right along.
This year has been very hard for you with health problems and weariness and emergencies, surgery, recovery, and having to find your way through a whole new diet and exercise regimen. Falling down and breaking your nose didn't help and was just another bump in the road.
Meantime let me say that you have been a wonderful grandma for my boys and a great example to me as to what quiet courage and service looks like. Your ability to get back up and keep going in the face of great discouragement helps me stay in there and keep moving forward. The fact that you are still working on your own emotional health gives me the idea that life doesn't shut down and people continue to grow up into life's later parts.
You give me a lot to live up to. My choices and options were way different than yours, at the same time some of the struggle was and is the same. You are here, you love me as best that you can.
Thanks mom I owe you so much.
Cath
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Lots of dull moments sandwitched in to some very sharp ones.
This has been one of those weeks where the predictable button has been switched off. At the same time I can see that there is some logic in the cosmoses about it all.
My business is self owned. This means that how it goes depends on how well I attend to many many details and that I have a boss that knows just what I am good for and how to tell me off . That she is me doesn't help much.
This week past I had a lot of scheduling by the element of Surprise. This is something I am only a little OK with. I am OK when Surprise schedules more clients than I did, when unexpected good things show up on the radar, and in the end the list shows more good than bad in the event roster.
This was mostly it.
I had some truly grand and generous gifts including the loan of a carpet shampooer, and some unexpected money as well as my very favorite Sock yarn in quantity.
Then again The Footless Man showed strange symptoms and ended up in the Emergency room Sunday and then again Monday morning with an 18 blood sugar. People canceled and rescheduled appointments unexpectedly. Some of what I do is showing wonderful results that don't have a straight line of reasoning to them. Not a logical A to B to C process at all.
At the same time I have been dealing with Black Michael
who is not all that interested in making it down the stairs to use the potty and the attendant mess in the computer room upstairs (hence the lovely loan of the carpet shampooer) The day that got clients canceled out ended up as the day that I worked on the carpet.
It all makes sense, It just makes building a budget and trusting that my income will cover all the bases unpredictable.
I understand why people like the idea of doing work with a steady set of hours and a steady paycheck, it's one less set of things that you have to think about. You know that this week you do x amount of work for x amount of dollars, and next week and the week after that.
In my working life this has been the rarity. If I look at it all I have never had typical anything in my work. At least at present my working hours are mostly in the day and I can get enough hours that pay well to cover the bills, look after my Husband and cope with my needs.
That's not bad. Not bad at all.
My business is self owned. This means that how it goes depends on how well I attend to many many details and that I have a boss that knows just what I am good for and how to tell me off . That she is me doesn't help much.
This week past I had a lot of scheduling by the element of Surprise. This is something I am only a little OK with. I am OK when Surprise schedules more clients than I did, when unexpected good things show up on the radar, and in the end the list shows more good than bad in the event roster.
This was mostly it.
I had some truly grand and generous gifts including the loan of a carpet shampooer, and some unexpected money as well as my very favorite Sock yarn in quantity.
At the same time I have been dealing with Black Michael
It all makes sense, It just makes building a budget and trusting that my income will cover all the bases unpredictable.
I understand why people like the idea of doing work with a steady set of hours and a steady paycheck, it's one less set of things that you have to think about. You know that this week you do x amount of work for x amount of dollars, and next week and the week after that.
In my working life this has been the rarity. If I look at it all I have never had typical anything in my work. At least at present my working hours are mostly in the day and I can get enough hours that pay well to cover the bills, look after my Husband and cope with my needs.
That's not bad. Not bad at all.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Minor pieces of wisdom
Every once in a while some of the things that I process bubble up to the surface leaving me wondering about my sense of what is right or wise or....
The latest few:
I don't drink for a lot of reasons, including:
My religion, My conclusion that I don't have the taste buds for it and don't intend to try developing them, and the latest; It's as safe as trying to become friends with a sociopath.
Sometimes cleaning things is comforting.
I hate dealing with other people's clutter and won't. Before you can clean things clutter has to be removed.
Aha! this Explains 7/8 of the house.
I have delayed formulating a budget for more than twenty years because I was furious with my first husband for dictating how I should spend every penny that I had. How much do I need to punish myself for something that had nothing to do with me? Sod on that.
I like to sew. I like to retro fit more than I like sewing. Remaking something is more fun than making it.
Gluten Free rice or cornbread.
Grease a 9x9 square pan. preheat oven to 450 F
11/2 cups cornmeal (blue cornmeal is best) or brown rice flour
4 tsp cornstarch or arrowroot powder
11/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Sift these together three times an put into a medium sized mixing bowl
In a separate container beat together
1 egg
2 Tbs oil or melted butter
Two cups Buttermilk, or 1cup yogurt plus one cup water*
Add the liquid to the dry ingredients and whisk them smooth.
Pour into the pan and bake for 20 to 25 minutes
let sit ten minutes and cut into squares
*Use Soygurt if you need to go non dairy
enjoy
While posting this I heard suspicious noises from the other room and found the Footless Man
in the throes of Insulin shock and seizing. 1 911 call, 1 IV dex titration, blood sugar starting @ 18, Footless Man is off in the ER and I am thinking of moseying down and picking him up. No matter how calm I seem, no matter how business as usual I make it, it stresses me the hell out
The latest few:
I don't drink for a lot of reasons, including:
My religion, My conclusion that I don't have the taste buds for it and don't intend to try developing them, and the latest; It's as safe as trying to become friends with a sociopath.
Sometimes cleaning things is comforting.
I hate dealing with other people's clutter and won't. Before you can clean things clutter has to be removed.
Aha! this Explains 7/8 of the house.
I have delayed formulating a budget for more than twenty years because I was furious with my first husband for dictating how I should spend every penny that I had. How much do I need to punish myself for something that had nothing to do with me? Sod on that.
I like to sew. I like to retro fit more than I like sewing. Remaking something is more fun than making it.
Gluten Free rice or cornbread.
Grease a 9x9 square pan. preheat oven to 450 F
11/2 cups cornmeal (blue cornmeal is best) or brown rice flour
4 tsp cornstarch or arrowroot powder
11/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Sift these together three times an put into a medium sized mixing bowl
In a separate container beat together
1 egg
2 Tbs oil or melted butter
Two cups Buttermilk, or 1cup yogurt plus one cup water*
Add the liquid to the dry ingredients and whisk them smooth.
Pour into the pan and bake for 20 to 25 minutes
let sit ten minutes and cut into squares
*Use Soygurt if you need to go non dairy
enjoy
While posting this I heard suspicious noises from the other room and found the Footless Man
in the throes of Insulin shock and seizing. 1 911 call, 1 IV dex titration, blood sugar starting @ 18, Footless Man is off in the ER and I am thinking of moseying down and picking him up. No matter how calm I seem, no matter how business as usual I make it, it stresses me the hell out
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Baba Yaga does Phone Sales
This is deep forest Phones going from tree to tree Baba Yaga speaking how may I help you?
A Phone? you want a Phone? what sort of phone?
Tell me maam, what did you call me with? a squirril?
You called me from a Phone? If you called me from a Phone then you have service and you don't need it.
The voices in my head have been feeding me dialog again. Too bad that they tend to be very bad at it.
A Phone? you want a Phone? what sort of phone?
Tell me maam, what did you call me with? a squirril?
You called me from a Phone? If you called me from a Phone then you have service and you don't need it.
The voices in my head have been feeding me dialog again. Too bad that they tend to be very bad at it.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Aha Moment
Every once in a while I end up with a horrible pain in my ear connected to a migraine. It leaves me unable to turn my head or touch the side of it. It makes opening my mouth an agony. On Saturday I had it visit and I finally connected the dots. What I have is a muscle spasm in the lateral pterygoyd muscle, that small one that opens your mouth. It can be addressed by sticking your finger in your ear canal and pressing gently on the painful spot, while taking a finger on your opposite hand and pressing gently on the sore spot on the corner of your jaw bone until the muscle relaxes.
Otherwise I finished a pair of slippers, due to be mailed to the small boy who needs them.
Who is Chief Runnamuck? and why does he have tiger slippers?
 |
| They are just like Chief Runnamucks!” |
Who is Chief Runnamuck? and why does he have tiger slippers?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Dear Mom and Dad
I am sorry, I must tell you that I am not able to come down to check on Mom. I am very aware that She is being taken care of by a great number of marvelously competent people including you Dad. The check in and on was more for my peace of mind than her well being. I also understand that I am too stressed out to push myself into illness over my own stupid expectations. I realized this morning that I am in the midst of some serious happy debt. This is in part because I have been seeing to the complex needs of my hubby the Footless Man, Michael the Geriatric Cat, and my business who has a lot of needs and takes up a lot of my time.
Enough is enough.
I spent two hours floating around the therapy pool this afternoon, tomorrow I will find something else that I have been putting off that I need to do for me. I will check in sometime later after I feel less like a worker drone and more like myself.
Meantime please be sure to color coordinate your clothes to the shiners Mom, and heal up fast.
Love, your daughter.
Enough is enough.
I spent two hours floating around the therapy pool this afternoon, tomorrow I will find something else that I have been putting off that I need to do for me. I will check in sometime later after I feel less like a worker drone and more like myself.
Meantime please be sure to color coordinate your clothes to the shiners Mom, and heal up fast.
Love, your daughter.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
redirection and reboot
The Erstwhile Child suggested that I come down to visit. First on Wednesday and then put off to today. Now he is asking me to come down tomorrow. While I am fairly flexible and I do love the guy, I get the feeling that he is not telling me what is going on and that something is.
So I asked him to tell me what it was that he didn't want me to know. After some heming and hawing on his part he admits that his ongoing health issue has required another med adjustment. Well, I can understand that. These thing happen.
What I have no idea about, is what the rules are for relating to my now grown up child. The best I can do is to stand still and let him decide how close or far away he wants to be. Right now he does not want me to see him in the middle of a med adjustment, OK. So how do I be supportive with that? I am not very skilled at operating without instructions in this case. I hope he keeps me clued in.
I am going to do today what I would have done tomorrow, and go from there.
So I asked him to tell me what it was that he didn't want me to know. After some heming and hawing on his part he admits that his ongoing health issue has required another med adjustment. Well, I can understand that. These thing happen.
What I have no idea about, is what the rules are for relating to my now grown up child. The best I can do is to stand still and let him decide how close or far away he wants to be. Right now he does not want me to see him in the middle of a med adjustment, OK. So how do I be supportive with that? I am not very skilled at operating without instructions in this case. I hope he keeps me clued in.
I am going to do today what I would have done tomorrow, and go from there.
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