More cards

Finding True North

Inside ourselves we have a way of orienting towards certain things.  We line ourselves up with our sense of purpose, our life beliefs, and our vocations.  This is our true north.  In our lives we have a part of what we are lined up there.  It informs our priorities, our intents and how we move towards or away from our lives.  One of the most devastating experiences to have is to lose your sense of true north.  At that point, how do you find your way through?  A big part of healing is letting go of a north point that aimed us into dysfunction and finding a truer focus for our energies and intent in healthier ways.

The process can seem like crawling for a long time through a very dark tunnel as the old parts crumble away and as yet, no new North shows up.  It will show up.  It takes time, patience and the willingness to endure the waiting.

Fragmentation

When Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall he came to pieces.  No one could ever imagine him being whole again.  Sometimes we reach a point when we fragment. It usually happens as the final step in a series of boundary crosses and mishaps that try our souls and break down our sense of self.

   When we are fragmented we can’t imagine being whole. When we are whole we know better.  The important thing is learning to remember wholeness in the middle of picking up the pieces.

The Good Little Girl

When a child grows up in dysfunction, they can’t survive with any kind of wholeness.  The first original child, the magical child, splits and recedes and becomes hidden.  There are two survival oriented children that show up in the magical child’s place.  One is the Good little girl/boy.  This is the compliant child who is old beyond their years.  This is the child who parents the younger siblings, shops for food and solves problems and keeps things running as best they can.  They do what they are told, and they pay a price in self worth and self esteem that is too high by any standards.

The good child is a form of scapegoat, someone who can never be seen as doing well in the family because the family needs to see them as nothing.  In the adult form they become Caretakers, and some of the morally ascendant shadow of the White Knight. 

In Life they are often very accomplished, very talented, hard working, good people who just do not understand why they aren’t appreciated.  They also believe that whatever they do will never let them be admitted to a normal human life.  They do everything including turning themselves inside out and upside down to prove that maybe they might have a grudgingly given right to exist.

The Princess

Awwww.   Isn’t she adorable?  Doesn’t she deserve the very best in care, loving and protection?  Of course she does!  She is the princess and she deserves everything good.

That is what princesses do.  They deserve.  We need to pay attention to our little princes and princesses.  Because if they ever get the idea that they deserve bad things and not good things they become entitled addicts and enraged abusers because that is what they deserve.  That makes for a nasty way of life. 

A healthy Princess treats herself well.  An angry shamed and deprived Princess is a fast track to a maxed out credit card, and type2 diabetes as uncontrolled Entitlement rages.   Princesses can be wonderful guidance for some parts of your life; they are not good to have in charge of major important parts of it.  They don’t do money well.  They aren’t a good one to put in charge of the grocery list. Princesses don’t pay bills or schedule appointments and shouldn’t go to your job.  However they are absolutely wonderful to put in charge of color, design and your wardrobe.  Their sense of what is good for your self esteem can be spot on.