continued

The Red Knight

Here is the developmental archetype that is the male energetic counterpart of the Maiden.  Here is the teenage angst and testosterone fueled rage.  This is the relationship between the developing young adult and the world.  And the cry is; “The world is mean to me!”

There is so much self pity, pain and plain old whining that goes on with this state.  The energy is red anger, and the fight is very much within themselves, outside themselves and engaged in fighting what they see as the authors of great injustice to themselves.

The Red Knight rebels against any and all restraints to his movements. Meanwhile he fiercely resists any kind of productive work.  They protest everything

From the outside it looks like parents and authorities do their best to prevent the Red Knights from severely injuring themselves. From the inside nobody cares that they want their freedom to self destruct.  Here again, no steering wheel, and no brakes.  They seem to be charging the fences that prevent them from sailing right into the abyss.

A red knight needs Mothering with hands off and at a distance so that they crash in a limited manner and don’t get rescued when they do.  Even more than Crone Mothering, they need the attentions of the Wounded Healer, The White Knight who has come out on the other side.

Should the Red Knights find their way through the morass of self pity often they find themselves discovering that “The world is mean to a lot of people.”  Then the energetic rage heats up to white hot. They develop into the White Knight, don their armor, climb up on the white horse and are off to the (ta daa) rescue. 

Riding With Mr. Toad

Toad of Toad Hall is a marvelous character from The Wind in the Willows.  He is a pompous blowhard that is addicted to fast cars and driving them until they crash.  To me, coping with someone’s emotional rollercoaster, (particularly the emotional rollercoaster of the Red Knight or the Maiden) is like taking a ride in a car when Mr. Toad is driving.    There is no way to control the speed or steer away from danger.  Off you go in the whirlwind of emotion up and down and into places that you hope you get out of alive.

Then the ride ends and you sit, dizzy and sick with exhaustion, wondering what happened until the next very unpredictable time when off you go again.

Abusive relationships and Chicken Little syndrome participants are some of the adults that will drive their emotional car in this crazy way, often as a form of control.  If you are constantly exhausted and dizzy from the ride you can’t see that the emotional ground stays the same.  There’s no growth there. 

The problem with riding along with whoever is playing Mr. Toad is that you have no way to change the process from inside the car.

You have to bail out, and usually you have to bail in the middle of the ride.  To really see what is going on, you can’t get in the car.  Then you see them drive off on their crazy way and you can get a handle on what is really driving them.  

Romantic Love

We all marry toads imagining the princes and princesses that they might potentially be. 

After a while we have to acknowledge their toadlieness and come to some kind of appreciation for their good qualities. 

Then we need to come to terms with how and why we chose that particular sort of toad. 

After that we need to understand that we have our own toad qualities and why we might be some sort of toad ourselves. 

Then we need to decide what to do about it. 

Often at that point the best thing to do is enter into a mutual toad admiration process and get on in life with your own particular toad.

The truth that we tend to forget is that we are all toads, somewhere along the way.

Check out Teaching Pigs to Sing.