Sunday, January 18, 2015

The G forces have been messing with my mind

I have commented on the  surprising way that  things have changed for me over the past going on three years. Nothing moved much, things were stagnant and then when I chose to change, it all moved unbelievably fast, wild, and in so many unexpected directions.
This last week my brain began having problems. 
I am putting the last pieces into place for going back to school and that means that I am at the point where I need to rehearse things like getting from point A to point B on the bus. 
  •  I need to know when to start, 
  • which bus to take 
  • how much time to expect walking at both ends, 
  • what do I need to take for a day, 
  • how much that is going to weigh, 
  • what  containers will I pack it in and 
  • where in my gigungous pack will it live.
I am not going to use Lucille my sturdy reliable truck, because Lucille leaves me tied to a vehicle and parking is a ring tailed bitch on campus. To say nothing about road construction, trains and the efforts of the city fathers to isolate the very north east end of this town from the rest of town.  The way things are  set up right now you can't get there from here without going way out of the way.  The bus will be much less stressful once I have it settled in my head.
I personally dislike being tied to a vehicle, it leaves me feeling trapped.  It isn't rational, it just is. 
This is all lead in to my adventures in my brain.
I have been taking the bus to places  to get used to the system and suddenly I find myself unable to send a coherent text.  I am on the bus headed west, and I can't send a text that says west, I type west and what comes out on the phone is east, or senseless garbage.
 My task is to take something to a place, drop it off and pick up something else. I do the drop off and then I walk out the door three times without putting the pick up in my pack.  It is sitting on the table, and I can't seem to get it into the pack and out the door.
After the third time  through I am in tears of frustration with being unable to do what I need.
Then I am panicked. If I can't do something so simple as this, how on earth will I manage a full class load?
Well what I finally figured out is that when I am over stressed, my brain reverts to injured brain mode.
 I sat down and ran through all the things that have changed in just the past year, not to think of the two years before that.  One of my teachers (thank you Wendy for all the work you have done) explained that if you can manage 2% change in a year you are doing really well.  These past two years I have changed something like 35% of my life Per Year.
If I wasn't somewhat stressed I would be in some kind of crazy land.   I went and fed myself and I went home and unwound.  I will be OK, I just need to be respectful of the forces of change that I am  encountering. Slow down, breathe and center.
It is the G forces.  Calm down. When the time comes, I will be alright,

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