I have the weeps

Dear Aunt Ruth,
it's been a while since I wrote to you.  I miss you terribly right now.  In the years since you left us  I find that I gather up things you would love to hear about and yet I can no longer send them to you and hear back from you about your life.  I miss that. 
The big reason that I have  been missing you so much is Mr Footless. I would have so loved to talk over what was going on and gotten your sage opinion and counsel.  Over the past six months to a year his health and mental functioning has declined to the point where he is back in the paranoia, hoarding and abusive past with his unstable diabetes and amputations to add into the mix.  Last Saturday I had to call the ambulance because he was deathly ill with what turned out to be encephalitis, they never did figure out what kind.
On Sunday I began looking at my house and the yard.  It ran over me in a huge wave that I didn't want him back home and I couldn't bring him back with the house as it was.    Admitting that I don't want the love of my life back with me, that I am unable to give him the care he needs. Well I feel such a damn failure.
I have done the ethical and appropriate things, he is in the best long term care facility in town, He still is incredibly angry and I am doing the best I can with it all.  I feel so upset and overwhelmed by the sudden change in circumstances.
I'm worried about my finances as well.  I have twenty days to get everything straightened out and I don't see how I can manage at the present. 
The hoarded mess in the house is just sitting there because I could do nothing with it until I had the care set up and I knew he was going to be admitted for both rehab and long term in the place of my choice.  I'm sitting in the mess bawling and then I get up and throw something away. 
I will have to get more done soon. This afternoon I cleaned off two more counters, something that his control issues had made impossible.  I'm tired and I had set up my life to be away from the house as much as possible.  I feel insane but I'm not and I know that in a little bit I can stop running, take a breath, throw a lot more things out.  I'm going to be alright I just wish that it could be the month after next and I can see how it will be settled.  I'm just hitting the peaks and things are slotting into place I have to keep going.  My entire life has spun around and here I am, wishing I could sit and have a cup of tea with you.  give my love to Uncle Bill and Uncle Jim, I'm sure that they would understand
Love Cath