Wait, what?

This is hard to write. I just don't quite know what to think about this, but I have to set it down somewhere.
All of my adult life I have worked towards a goal.  I aimed at being a complementary care healer, and every piece of energy that I could put in that direction I did.  It was the articulated goal of both Mr Footless and I.
Over time I have gathered a huge tool box of skills and experience all aimed at the one thing. to be  that healing person who could help with pain and restriction and make life better and more liveable for people who were struggling.
I have been in some very strange and wonderful places.  I have worked for over thirty years to get here.  But here isn't where I want to be.
I am just so tired.  Two years ago a social worker told me that I was experiencing severe caregiver burnout.  I thought that it was just the mess that my marriage had degenerated into, and I had no choice  about working and the responsibilities so I kept on keeping on.
Well it is eleven months in to letting go of Mr Footless, cleaning up the mess, and looking at what I was doing and what I really want.  Over time I have let go of clients that needed things I could not give them, I have tried to focus on getting the incredible phantasmagorical mess cleared and tried to see if I had any heart to continue on this path.
Here is what I know right now.  I have to stop.  I don't want to do this for now.  I am too tired, I am worn out and the idea of being responsible for a houseplant is too much to contemplate.
So what the hell am I doing taking on the well being of people?
This is damn depressing to talk about,
Tomorrow I will be walking into the work force center to see what I can find out about what to do next.  All I can think about right now is that I am so tired, I don't want to reach out to anyone or to help anyone.  I just want to be left alone to rest for a while.