putting my head above water once again

So I am starting this blog up again. seems like a place to figure things out while waiting for the stink of sadness to leave.
It has been about a year  since I last posted, and there are so many sad things, funny things and other things that have happened.
 My office has moved, My dad died, Mr Footless also died, I moved twice and sometimes I can't imagine being the person I was when I started to write things down  a few years ago.
Last weekend I moved from my wee apartment in the middle of downtown back into what is now my house.
I am struggling with my status as a widow.
I am struggling with rehabbing the house and de-stashing Mr Footless's possessions.
I am struggling with twenty seven years of living with a hoarder, and how much are his attitudes and my attitudes the same?
Sometimes I have no clue who it was that I was married to.
At present I am reintegrating the things from my household to my household and my main floor is full of trumpeting furniture milling about waiting for me to heard it into its new places.
Getting it situated will involve a daisy chain of events and unless I get the last chain of the daisies it won't go well.
Let us start over with some of the suspects and begin introducing them.
There is me.
Older female, faced with a collosal and overwhelming physical mess.
I am in the healing professions but my passions have been damped and I am rethinking what I do along with who I am.
I knit passionately, clean reluctantly, cook reasonably.
I have decent instincts but I don't behave well when I am operating from survival.
my organizational skills leave a lot to be desired
My sense of humor has been a bit impaired by grief and loss
I find that I am beginning to like living alone,and that my ability to enjoy life is starting to return.
there is a whole lot I don't know about myself as the lone arranger including how I am going to deal with the outside of the house, yard and seven possible flower beds.  It is mine and I don't know what I will do with it..
So tomorrow I will start my usual tasks including  spending the early morning with  my friend The Instrument of Grace.
oh and somewhere in the midst of it all I need to change my sheets, do a load of socks and run a bunch of towels as well.
my ability to attend to the details of daily life are off.
This isn't my first rodeo with grief as the event, and I know that by the end of next September I will be in a very different place.  How far I get is up to me and what I put in to it, my goal is to have put together some idea of a life that I can live with some comfort and enjoyment, be of some use to people that I might help, and manage well enough given some of my limitations.
It isn't much but it is a start.