To the Erst While Child

Yesterday was a great day The Erst While Child  Graduated From College.
Here he is between the Footless Man and I.  He looks so handsome and grown up it breaks my heart.

Here he is in funny hat and dowdy dress and antique style clothing.  He always did have a style of his own.
you can watch his work

 and marvel at how much he can do.
So as a last thing to tell him because I can't tell him much, here is this;

--Mother to Son, Langston Hughes

Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now --
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.

It wasn't a crystal stair for him either.  Congratulations Child O Mine you done real good.
Love, Mom

Who is this really?

Yesterday was a culmination day for a project that I suddenly was told to do by Those I will call the Powers That Be shortened to PTB or The PA (public address system). 
one morning early (5:30 to be exact) as I was bumbling along to be with Friday's Child, (whom I stay with on Tuesdays and Fridays from 6 to 2) and thinking about a birthday bike ride and picnic for me and some other like minded ladies.
The PA switched in and informed me that I would be having this on a Sunday after my birthday.  They gave me a specific guest list and told me not only who to invite but what the subject of the meeting would be.  Not only that they told me how to facilitate the meeting.  I posted the invite I wrote earlier here.  As time went on it became obvious that The Powers were in charge, and I was not.  it came together like it was waxed.
Sunday the meeting/gathering/party happened.  It was amazing.  It was delightful.  It was warm and loving and heart felt all the way around.  Everybody came.  We brought delicious food.  We began to connect and to talk and then to laugh.  We have the beginnings of a community.  Now  When Shall We Eight meet again?  soon.  The PTB says so.

So where did you learn that?

More and more of the time that I spend working with clients I spend examining what we believe, why and how we learned it and what it does in our life.  It is a little like my first training in spirit releasement work when I found out that how we perceive the next world is flat, two dimensional and mostly only vaguely related to what may be out there. 
All these years later, I also am beginning to understand, that a whole lot of what people understand and do in their lives has a whole lot less to do with what is rational and a whole lot more to do with what we learned the world was like before we had words to articulate it.
Our beliefs are formed pre words and pre-rational thought.  Getting to the core takes a lot of work because the part of the brain that speaks in words isn't where the belief is being stored and acted on.
Welcome to the lizard brain.  It is the world of primitive belief and involved in keeping the body safe and alive.  It is why we can know beyond a shadow that we need to change our actions and rationally understand that time is past and gone.... and still behave as if we are two and this is our mommy.

It is the strangest feeling to sit with someone and hear them voicing a set of beliefs that they would like to make their own,  while their body is crying out "No, No, No, That's not how it goes and that's not what I will act on."
The reason that I use EMDR, trained in it and love it is that it works better than most therapies to actually change the lizard brain core.
My personal problem is that it is the most boring form of therapy because it is also the least interactive. The way I tolerate its boredom factor for me is by knitting to time the intervals.  I am beginning to find a way to isolate and understand those survival imperatives that uses a combination of  brain integration, somato-emotional release and EMDR.  It is pretty effective and has some helpful parts for things like weight loss. 
This is pretty neat.  I love learning things like this.

Well finally

I have been trying to get on the blog builder for over a week now and it finally let me in.
Here is a part of a letter that I sent to some people who I know

You are my dear friends and I love you.  You are all wonderful estimable people with great character and sweet, sweet hearts.  Over the past years I have become friends with, and gotten to know you all. 

Now, I have worked with all of you, and you all have said essentially the same thing to me.  You have said,

 “I need a community that understands what I am doing and supports me as I move into spiritual service.  What I am doing is important but without community I am very lonely.”

During the last few years I have become a hub with many of you working on your emotional spiritual growth with me as your support.  I have loved what I have done with every one of you.  It has been a wonderful experience.  I am so very honoured that you have been willing to work with me.  Some of this work couldn’t be easy.

However, as thing are with me as the hub and you as the spokes, you are all struggling with isolation and needing community and I seem to be in the middle so that none of you are connected although you know the others exist.

 

The truth is that I need community too. 

Being the hub has become taxing.  I am in the wrong position and I believe that it isn’t healthy for any of us.  All of you are now to a point that you as individuals need each other more than you need one person as a center support.  I don’t need to be keeping you apart.

So I am taking myself out of the middle. 

It is so obvious when you see it and so wrong.  This is very unfair for these women and for me.

now I need to take steps to correct this.