This week is the last week that I will be going to my unpaid job. I gave notice last Monday. I am looking at a major rescheduling of my life. For the last two and a half years every week day I have gotten up at 4:30 in the morning to be at my friends house by 5:45 and stayed with her until 11. I did this in the name of friendship, because I was supporting her a she healed from her life and because I was in deep trauma and needed the support myself. As it is, this no longer serves her, it has become a barrier to her going forwards and it is a serious time and energy suck for me. My entire life was wrapped around the hours that I got up because I have never been an early bird, and doing this took a lot of effort and inconvenienced me mightily in terms of a social life because of the constant way I feel (Like crap) on the early schedule.
I finally concluded that I was being an obstruction in Her and my healing process because I have been waiting for her to say that she no longer needed me. I tend to step back and wait rather than moving forwards because all too often I get called "Controlling" when I take steps to go forward.
Well all too often things get stalled while I wait for other people to sort themselves out, and they have everything as they want it and aren't going to sort themselves out. When I am sure that this is the case, I then step out to do what I need to do, to the great displeasure of the people who have their fine structure uprooted.
Well this is what has happened here. So I will have another week in which I face someone that is angry with me because I am finally moving on. My job is to let go with love. If I don't do it well, I may be letting go with a lot of anger and shouting, either way I am going from the situation.
I have to. So I will.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment