A four spoon day

A friend came up to see me today, we were sitting in my newly renovated room and glorying in how well it turned out.  We were talking about being sidelined by chronic illness and She mentioned the spoon theory and how in trying to work a forty hour week she had borrowed so many spoons ahead that she had been sidelined for several weeks.  I nodded my understanding and thought over my day and week.
Well, today looks to be a four spoon day because I have been borrowing ahead as well.
I will need to get the fan out of its place and get the bearing replaced and as soon as possible, but it isn't happening today.  I am out of spoons.
In typing this I suddenly realized I have had chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia since my twenties.  I have had brain dysfunction since I was eleven.  In all the problems that I have faced and the situations that I have overcome there has always been the incredible drag of the chronic pain and illness.  Everything I have done has been done with limited energy and strength, slowly.  I realize how much I feel less than acceptable because I can do less than  what you would think was normal.
I will never be able to work forty hours and have time and energy for my loved ones.   Every day I have to choose what I do knowing that each choice made means another thing that won't get done somewhere else.  What I do with each day is a matter of choices made with the energy I have.
The renovation of this room took a month and a half.  I love it, it's beautiful.  The next room will take about the same time.  In between are clients, friends and family, and inevitably there will be days when, like this one, I am out of spoons.