The semester is over the semester begins. Just paid tuition on the summer set. Just got the book for the online class. Time has come to pull Violetta out and get her ready for summer transport. I need to mow the lawn in back, pull in the laundry wash my dancing shoes, find or make another dancing skirt, just the things of daily living.
I suddenly see that over time I have begun to make a life that fits me. For the first time in so many years, I can be myself as hard as I can. I think I like it.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Finishing up
This week is final project week. I am finishing my classes, and settling down for a couple weeks off until I start summer semester. I am doing ok, I know that I passed and in my art class I am getting a high B. Considering everything I did somewhat better than Ok. Positives: I am stronger. Physically. I have improved my muscle strength, and my stamina. I am more organized. I got out the door twice a week with all my equipment and supper and got to class on time and did my work. I am adapted in to the bus system. I know how and where and when to pick up the bus to get where I need to go. I am free of depending on my car for distance in ugly weather. I made the transition to the student mind set, and am being accepted by my much younger fellow students. I have retrieved my flexibility of mind, the one that lets me say, if you can't do it one way you can find another bridge. I have relearned the process of building new brain paths. I found some highly emotional swamp lands and found my way through them.
Yesterday I made one of those grownup purchases that have to happen. I went out and bought a lawn mower. One with a battery and charger so that I will finally not have to be dragging the cord and struggling with not mowing the thing. I feel badly because it was an expensive purchase, and I don't really "need" to buy it because my 16 year old electric mower does work. Thing is, I hate it with a passion and have many angry bad memories of it over the years, Mr Footless's OCD rituals and compulsions were particularly bad around mowing, and we hates it and the memories. So I did a bit of research and a bit of shopping and now I have this big machine to massacre the grass in my yard.
Do I think I will ever like doing this? No. I never understood the idea of a lawn and lawn care as this important thing. I can keep the weeds down though and keep the city Yard Nazi off my behind. What I would really like to do is let it go back to natural grass prairie and leave it the hell alone. It is a distinct thought.
Yesterday I made one of those grownup purchases that have to happen. I went out and bought a lawn mower. One with a battery and charger so that I will finally not have to be dragging the cord and struggling with not mowing the thing. I feel badly because it was an expensive purchase, and I don't really "need" to buy it because my 16 year old electric mower does work. Thing is, I hate it with a passion and have many angry bad memories of it over the years, Mr Footless's OCD rituals and compulsions were particularly bad around mowing, and we hates it and the memories. So I did a bit of research and a bit of shopping and now I have this big machine to massacre the grass in my yard.
Do I think I will ever like doing this? No. I never understood the idea of a lawn and lawn care as this important thing. I can keep the weeds down though and keep the city Yard Nazi off my behind. What I would really like to do is let it go back to natural grass prairie and leave it the hell alone. It is a distinct thought.
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