Letting go, moving on.

Yesterday I went up to Conifer hill and began packing in the things that I wanted to get down before the beginning of the year.  The day was lovely.  The cabin is partly disassembled and many things of great sentimental value have been incorporated into my house.  I am still digesting what this means to me.
Both the boys made it up and took things that they wanted and needed home as well.  I am tired and sad to let this enormous part of my life go.
But it is true.  The cabin needs more time and energy and money than anyone in the family can give it.  It needs structural work that is critical for safety and the attic is infested with wood rats.  it was a wonderful part of our lives.  I am so glad it was there, so much of who I am and how I think both good and bad grew up there.  I will carry it in my heart all my life.
bless the land, bless us all good bye and good luck.

Poke at it from a distance

The Footless Man has had his insulin pump delivered.  It is a very spiffy number and it came with a choice of colors, so it is purple.  It came in a box with lots and lots of sinister looking packaged thingummies that turn out to be connector doohickeys and flasklets that hold insulin.
In the spirit of nine year old boy inquiry Mr Footless opened one of the packages to examine the slightly sinister occupant.  After eying it carefully, twiddling all the bits, removing all the removable pieces and re assembling the works afterwords, He concluded that he has no idea how it installs the wee plastic tube that delivers the insulin in carefully measured doses. 
This thing comes with a tome approximately 12 times its volume which was unable to enlighten him.*  It spoke of many things, just not that.  He remained mystified for a week and a half until the trainer called to set up a training session.  She sweetly directed him to the company website and the training videos contained therein.
Last night Footless and I sat and looked at the training vids.  It was very informative.  The mystery is solved to his satisfaction and mine as well.
*I am wary of any technical thingy that has an instruction booklet bigger than the object, or that weighs more than the object.  This does both.

Morning Meditation

I was sitting here this morning and playing solitare while I was waiting for the computer to finish its internal scan.  It struck me very hard to realize how damaging and painful judgement is, and how much we need to be loved.  Problem is, that judgement is easy.  Loving is hard.
In all the struggles that I have had, underneath it all I have wanted to be seen and to be recognized.
More than that I have wanted to be loved. 
Where I can be helpful to the people that I see is not in what I can do for them but in the quality of the loving that I can give them. 
Now that I understand that, how does it change who I am and how I act in the world?