Lessons learned this semester

Here is what I learned besides the classroom stuff.

1. Take only one massive graphics intensive class at a time.  If there is overlap don't do it.
2. There is a good reason that you are feeling wigged out in the classroom. The PTSD is no joke to deal with, you now know the spatial triggers, take steps to make sure you don't get in a trigger loop.  
3. Weather permitting, take the bike.
4. Take a meal. you need to eat more than you have been. 
5. Do the gym before class.  this means leaving house at 12:30. 
6. Life is much nicer for you when you have the food you like to eat ready to hand.  It is worth the effort having home baked cookies and lentil stew available to pack and go. 
7. Take your supplements.
8. Being upset is exhausting. Get your rest.

portrait of the "NotMyDog

Photoshop has some fun

I am working on my Final for Photoshop, this is the background.

 

partial restoration of a sweet picture of mom and dad

further work done on restoration.

things move on

Mr Footless's feet are headed to Africa to walk for someone else.

Having an assessment about things

I seem to have hit a wall.  Goodness  knows that I have faced walls before.  I have done a lot of things that seemed impossible and looked to me like I would never be able to do them.  I understand the value of persistence, calm action in the face of wanting to run screaming down the street, wanting to cry and quit.
I am considering if I have come upon a place that is permanently broken. If it is, I will simply have to build bridges around it,or if I have accidentally overloaded myself and if I temporarily back off and try to proceed more slowly I can get through.
the vision therapy is working on the more intense parts of convergence.  About an hour after I finish one of the new exercises I find myself in a state of fight or flight rage and sorrow that lasts, well it lasts a long time.
I know that in part it is being exacerbated by what is becoming increasingly clear  is positional PTSD.  My present class seat is making this a whole lot worse.  I did not know that I should not be sitting where I have to turn my head to the right and constantly refocus my eyes while turning between the front and the computer screen.
I know that now.
Up to the last week I have been spending my time too freaked out to climb out of my tree and cope with my life.  I finally took enough time to just, sit, long enough to be able to focus on homework and get some things done.
I don't know what to do.  I don't like quitting when I can see the benefits of proceeding. At the same time I can't have another semester like this, it takes too much out of me.
I also hate the trauma that broke me, and left me with these problems and I will not let it or the perpetrators win.  If I give up do they win?  If I let myself be broken while I see a way of repairing the broken parts do they win?  If I am not strong enough to do this, do they win?
Am I backing down or backing away to get a run up?  Am I leaving the object I can not move, or going out to find a lever?  I think I may be shifting into a lower gear for the steeper grade.  If I don't bomb through it all at top speed and it still gets done, it is still done.  Whose timetable am I working on anyway?
Mine. Really. If I do it slower and from lower down it will still happen.  I may be facing a wall but I am not stuck in a situation I can not escape, and my distress is not permanent.
screw normal. I can only be me as well as I can.
   

And a thousand words more

please note: the door is closed.  I got Lucille in there and closed the door.  I got it done.